Rooted in Truth

Gardening is not my favorite task.  I have friends who LOVE it and their gardens are spectacular, but me, not so much.  When we purchased our home we inherited a flowerbed the size of Rhode Island.  Seriously, it’s so big.  I got pregnant shortly after we moved in and so the flowerbed sort of fell on hard times.  A few years ago I decided to rejuvenate the flowerbed, if for no other reason so our neighbors wouldn’t have to hide their eyes as they drove by our home.

At that time we bought 40 bags of mulch!  Yes, you read that right.  We also pulled ALL the weeds and ripped out everything that was dead.  Since then we’ve had some successes and some failures in our growing seasons.  We have some finicky hydrangeas that sometimes bloom and sometimes don’t.  We have a rose bush that grows so big every year regardless of what we do to it, which I’m thankful for because if left solely to me I’m sure it would already be dead.  We have a crepe myrtle that up and got some weird powdery mold disease and turned all white.  Geesh.

Every year around this time the flowerbed needs a good weeding and clean out from the winter.  There are dead leaves to be removed, weeds that have taken root as the weather has begun to grow warmer, and pruning that needs to be done to seasoned plants that are beginning to burst into bloom again.

I have been in a season of winter in my own life for about a year.  Sometimes my growing seasons coincide with the seasons of Earth, but at other times my seasons are lengthened as I walk through an area that needs extra time to process. Sometimes my stubbornness slows down the process and sometimes it just takes me time to figure out what is even going on in my life as I wrestle with hurt, loss, joy, love, brokenness, healing, whatever it might be that needs to be wrestled.

I’ve been watching the weeds in our flowerbed grow and thinking that they needed to be tended, but I’ve been busy and so I’ve put it off.  The thing about weeds is that they take root and they grow fast.  Some of their roots run deep and require work to remove them.  Some of them are shallow and can easily be plucked out of the ground.

As I ripped up weeds today, I was shown some weeds that have rooted themselves in my mind and spirit.  Over 20+ years of being in ministry I’ve encountered people, men typically, but not always, that have spoken to me, on more than one occasion, and told me that my emotions are a hinderance in the ministry.  That I need to cry less, be less passionate, be better able to ignore the things that are hurtful, basically just feel less.  And do you know what I’ve done?  I’ve listened.

I listened because I respected their role in my life.  I listened because I have big feelings and am passionate about what I do and figured, you know what, I probably need to manage my huge feelings better.  Yet, as I’ve been in this season of winter I’ve been wondering why I feel strangled.  Why my voice seems to feel lost.  Why I feel as if I’ve lost a part of me.

As I was ripping up the deeply rooted weeds in the garden, I realized that these words to be less of who I am have rooted themselves in my soul.  Over time I’ve intentionally been less expressive of my feelings, less passionate in my thinking, more docile.  I think, at times, I’ve even stopped fighting for what I think should be done because I don’t want to cause drama or be difficult.

This is very sobering to me.  I want to passionately pursue the purposes that God has called me to and I want to pursue those things as fully me.  I’m a daughter of the most high king, a follower of Jesus, a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a friend, a teacher, a pastor, a peer.  Those titles all blend together.  I can not separate them from each other, though at times I have definitely tried.  Each one together makes me, me.  Each role grows me and makes me stronger as a person.

Thankfully, our Heavenly Father is a master gardener and recognizes that a garden full of variety is far more beautiful than a garden with only one type of flower.  As he plucks out the weeds that have taken root in our hearts and restores those spaces with fresh blooms, I pray that we remain rooted in his truth – we are fearfully and wonderfully made and HE does not make mistakes.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Brooke
    May 28, 2018 @ 14:44:47

    I’m emotional too, and feel blessed when a sister in Christ reminded me that God speaks the universal language of tears. Emotions aren’t necessarily bad, they can be a gift from HIM!


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